Guy Talk
by RoseJustice
Summary: This story is purely crack and is not to be taken seriously. At all. I wrote it purely for chuckles. Yukimitsu and Musashi have a rather interesting conversation that brings many disturbing things to light for Yuki. Rated T for safety. And for Hiruma. There are some mentioned boy/boy pairings. But since that isn't my cup of tea, I'm not going into detail. Read if you want.


A Bet Gone Bad...?

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything except for Yukimitsu's cousins, which may or may not make appearances in future stories, haven't decided yet...oh, and the cabbie. I own the cabbie. I love the cabbie. Also, there is some Rosie O'Donnell bashing. If you like Rosie, don't read this. Or, at least, don't read a certain section of this. Whatever.**

* * *

Yukimitsu chuckled as he, Suzuna, and Musashi watched a few of his fellow teammates, and many members of other teams jockey and vie for Sena-kun's attention. Yuki was starting to think that Hiruma's idea of getting all of the teams together for a post-game celebration probably wasn't the most inspired of Hiruma's ideas to date. Mamori, who was sitting at the bar, looked like she was about to steal one of Hiruma's rifles and blow all the boys to hell and Suzuna was looking decidedly jealous. Yuki chuckled again, looking over Suzuna's head at Musashi and, winking, bent down to speak to the girl.

"Poor Sena! All that attention and he's completely oblivious! Isn't he your boyfriend, Suzuna-chan? You might want to rescue him before something decidedly bad happens to him!" He said, pointing to Shin and Agon who were both glaring over Sena's head at each other and at Yamato, each of the boys had a hold of either Sena's arms or t-shirt, while an irritated Riku and very nervous-looking Monta were attempting to extricate Sena from their grips. Sena looked extremely uncomfortable with his current situation and was trying to pull away from the three boys as well, but to no avail. Yuki, still looking at Musashi, grinned as Suzuna stalked (or skated) off towards the group, pushing Monta and Riku out of the way and actually daring to step HARD on Agon's foot, catching him by surprise and making him let go of Sena, and simultaneously yanking him out of Shin's and Yamato's grasps and dragging him away to an empty table in the karaoke bar that Hiruma had managed to get them all into. Agon, Shin, Riku, and Yamato glared at Suzuna, who glared back, while Monta made his way over to their table. Sena and Monta each blew a sigh of relief as all of the boys turned away and went back to their original teams and/or friends. Yuki, still facing Musashi, held his hand out and grinned.

Musashi shook his head in disbelief and fished his wallet out, putting a couple of bills into Yukimitsu's outstretched palm. "Fine, you win! I never thought she'd be able to get Sena out of there without either of them ending up in the hospital. Who knew they'd back down so quickly?"

"I did." Yuki stated, counting his earnings. "They have no hope of being with Sena now that they all know he's straight and most of them, with the exception of Agon, perhaps, will respect that. What you just saw was a last ditch effort on all of their parts of maybe winning him over to the proverbial 'dark side', if you will. As you can see, it failed." He motioned to the table where Suzuna, Monta, and Sena were all laughing about something. He then frowned as he got done counting the money. "Is this all you have on you? Dang you're poor!"

"And that's because YOU interfered!" Musashi grumbled, looking sorrowfully at his empty wallet. " And I'm poor because YOU just took my money!"

Yukimitsu chuckled as he watched Musashi. "You know, your wallet isn't going to fill itself up if you just keep staring at it like that, not that it was very full to begin with. Besides, I won fair and square!" He said smugly.

Musashi raised an eyebrow at Yuki. "Oh? How do you figure?"

Yuki grinned and leaned towards Musashi conspiratorially. "Because Suzu-chan was going to split it up whether I said anything to her or not!"

"Then why did you speak to her?" Musashi questioned, sorrowfully looking at his empty glass as if wondering why IT wasn't filling itself up for him.

Yuki laughed at the look on Musashi's face and summoned a waitress to fill the glass up. "So I could get your money faster!" Musashi scowled at the answer and tossed the drink back, draining the cup with one swallow, while Yuki laughed at him again. "Lord only knows how long it would've taken her if I didn't intervene."

"Interfere, you mean…"

Yuki waved that away. "Potato, Potahto…" Musashi just shook his head. Yuki laughed again.

Just then, Hiruma stalked over from where he'd been harassing the bartender and sat down next to Musashi, looking at each of them quizzically. "What's so fucking funny damn baldy?" After Yuki had explained everything to Hiruma, he also laughed. "I could've fucking told them that they were wasting their time!" He turned to look at Musashi and Yukimitsu. "But now that Sena isn't available, I'd watch my ass if I were you two!" He said, cackling at their disbelieving expressions as he stood to annoy Mamori who was still seated at the bar.

Yuki and Musashi looked at each other, both thinking the same thing and knowing the other was as well. Why would any of the other football players think like that about them? With Sena it was quite obvious why they would, he DID look like a girl sometimes, but Yuki was just an unremarkable, skinny, book-worm and Musashi looked like he was 42. There was absolutely no way; Hiruma was just lying, right? But why would he do that? What would be the point? Both boys looked at each other, nonplussed, then looked at the people around them, curiously. No one was staring at them in any way that looked dangerous, so they dismissed Hiruma's warning with shrugs and grins and continued talking and downing their drinks with careless ease.

* * *

(two hours later)

Mamori stormed away from her conversation with Hiruma to sit with Sena and the others at his table; Hiruma sat at the bar and watched as a few people from other tables converged upon the table that his two oblivious teammates were sitting at. He grinned and turned around. What happened next could, in no way, be considered his fault. He HAD warned them after all…

Yuki and Musashi suddenly felt the atmosphere around their table change drastically and both boys looked around, surprised, at the sea of faces surrounding them; most of them were obviously drunk and the ones that weren't, were obviously insane. They both looked at each other and cautiously gripped their glasses tighter; both sending messages to each other with their eyes. Yuki flicked his eyes down at his cup, then flicked them up to look behind Musashi and cocked his head slightly in question. Musashi nodded slightly and looked first behind Yuki, then to the boy standing next to Yuki. A small smile pulled at Yuki's mouth as he started the countdown by tapping the table. One…..two….three! Both boys sprung into action, tossing their drinks over the other's shoulder into the faces of the boys behind them, then each tossed their glasses to the two boys standing next to them, who –being receivers– reflexively caught them. Then, both Musashi and Yuki ducked and slid under the table, coming out on the other side, Musashi hooking the chair that Yuki had been sitting in with his foot and launching it into the legs of three boys, making them trip and fall. He then rolled out from under the table, grabbing Yuki's sleeve and taking him with him.

At this point Hiruma's nearly non-existent conscience started to bug him and he had decided to turn around and see if his two teammates would need to be bailed out, but was stunned as he watched the two of them work together to get rid of the other boys. He unconsciously tensed as he saw Yuki trip over the leg of the knocked over chair but was relieved to see Musashi pull him to his feet just as a linebacker from another team was about to make a grab for him. Unfortunately, the rescue put Musashi at the mercy of a rival team's kicker(hint: he likes Elvis), who lunged at him suddenly, catching him off-guard. Fortunately, Monta had decided to help the two out a bit and held his foot out in front of the kicker, whistling innocently and pulling his foot back in when the kicker tripped and fell flat on his face. Both Yuki and Musashi grinned at Monta and rushed past the table to the door, only to find it blocked by running backs. Crap.

Sena and Suzuna came to their rescue this time, both whizzing by the offending footballers, Suzuna smacking hers upside the head with enough force to make him loose his balance and fall, and Sena managing to undo the belt of the other, making his pants fall down about his ankles and trip him up. They laughed and saluted to Musashi and Yuki before the two boys sped past them towards the door.

Hiruma noticed people coming up on Musashi's blind side to intercept the two teens and yelled to the two closest people. "Damn manager! Damn fatty! Stop those players!" Kurita deflected most of them with his wide girth while Mamori managed to clothesline three with a microphone stand she'd managed to acquire in the confusion(it was the closest thing to a broom she could find). Still, one managed to get by Kurita and sped off after Musashi. Yuki turned around to look over his shoulder and saw the boy coming(hint: every mechanical thing he touches breaks). Making a quick calculation, he grabbed hold of Musashi's left arm and shoulder with his right hand and twisted himself around with surprising agility(most likely a fluke), to face their pursuer, lifting both feet up into the air and slamming them into the boy's chest as hard as he could, effectively knocking him away, if not causing much pain or damage. Musashi, having caught on to Yuki's idea, swung Yuki back around to land on his feet in front of him and pushed him out the door, slamming it behind them. They both stumbled out into the cool, outside air and bolted off down the sidewalk. They stopped 10 minutes later when Yuki tripped over his own feet and dropped like a rock to the sidewalk. There he lay, winded, and gasping for breath. Musashi dropped down next to him and looked around; he didn't recognize any of their surroundings and was slightly worried.

"So…" Musashi started, looking over at Yuki. "Where do you think we are?"

Yuki sat up and looked around nervously. "I have absolutely no idea…"

They both looked at each other and said together, "Oh no…." Yuki groaned and laid back down, shaking his head. Musashi sighed.

"At least we got away." He stated, desperately looking for a bright side to this little catastrophe.

Yuki looked over at Musashi and just shook his head. This was what he got for making bets… he was pretty sure those guys had heard of his bet with Musashi; this was retribution of some sort, he was sure. Surely it wasn't actually what Hiruma had said it was. Right? He looked over at Musashi, who sensed his gaze and looked over at him. "They must have heard us betting about Sena, a lot of them are quite touchy about the Sena-topic." Yuki said, feeling rather reassured.

Musashi just shook his head at him. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Yuki." Yuki's feeling of reassurance was sliced to pieces, so he tried to piece it back together.

"They _did _have a lot to drink tonight!" Yuki said desperately, still hoping to somehow keep his peace of mind intact. They'd _have _to be drunk to go after _him_, right?

Musashi grinned slightly and sat up. "I'm locking my doors and windows. You should too."

Yuki sighed, "Oh you don't have to worry about that, I do that anyway; though I doubt that'll stop some of them."

Musashi helped Yuki stand up. "Yeah," he said, looking around. "But I'm never taking Koutaro up on his one-on-one kicking match now; at least, not if I have to be alone with the punk. I knew he was fruity."

Yuki shrugged that one off. "Oh please! You could kick his butt back to the mothership he came from in 30 seconds flat!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Yuki."

"No problem."

"But seriously, his mothership?"

"There is something very wrong with him, Musashi."

"It's just an Elvis fetish is all, Yuki." At this point Yuki mumbled something about Elvis being abducted by aliens, but Musashi ignored him and continued speaking. "Over three fourths of the football players we know are certifiable in one way or another; take Hiruma for example. There are some serious issues there."

Yuki grinned at him, and wagged his finger. "I'm telling him you said that!"

Musashi shrugged. "He'd take it as a compliment…"

Yuki continued. "Like I said, issues; although, I _do _worry about Mizumachi. Now there's someone with issues. The boy strips at public events and is quite obviously crushing on Kakei."

Musashi rolled his eyes. "Oh please. Gaou is worse!"

"Not really! You forget Agon! Now _he_ takes the cake!" Yuki countered.

Musashi looked doubtful about that. "Well, Kisaragi is pretty strange too!"

"And Rui!"

"And Shin."

"Really? I thought he was actually more on the normal side. What about Taki?"

"Normal?! Yuki, the guy trains nonstop, 24/7, 365 days a year and can't even get a coke out of a vending machine without blowing it the hell up. He has issues. And Taki is the King of Issues!"

"Never said he didn't, he's just not nearly as bad as Agon and Gaou! I _do _agree with you about Taki, though. I feel sorry for Suzu-chan, having to put up with him."

"Touché. No one is as bad as those three." Musashi grinned slyly at Yuki as they headed in the general direction of a bus stop. "Maybe _they _should get together, Gaou and Agon! You know, since they're both obviously bi! I just wonder who'd be on top and who'd be on bottom…" Musashi laughed at Yuki's mortified expression. "What? Did you really think that Gaou just idolizes Kurita because Kurita kicked his butt on the field one time, or that Agon sleeps with all those thousands of girls just because he can?" Yuki nods dumbly then shakes his head vigorously to rid it of an unwanted mental image. Musashi rolls his eyes and continues, "Please, Yuki. Gaou is in puppy love and Agon is trying to convince himself of his maleness; that freak is probably gayer than Richard Simmons, Boy George, and Rosie O'Donnell combined!" Musashi shuddered. "Bad mental picture." He thought for a second, then shuddered again.

Yuki smothered a chuckle. "And he most likely has every STD know to man!" It was Musashi's turn to laugh this time. Yuki continued. "And Rosie O'Donnell is a female! So technically she can't be gay."

"No _it_ isn't." Musashi muttered under his breath, earning himself a light punch in the arm and another laugh from Yuki.

"That was cold, Musashi."

"Your point?"

Yuki rolled his eyes and let _that _line of conversation die, starting up a new one as they sat down on the bus stop bench. "Well, getting back to the weird football players discussion, Monta is pretty strange too, don't you think?"

Musashi nodded. "Definite issues. Damn good catcher, though."

Yuki nodded his agreement, then looked troubled. "Do you think Monta knows about Ikkyu, Tetsuma, Sakuraba, and Taka?"

Musashi shook his head vigorously. "That they're all fighting over him? Absolutely not! If he knew, he wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes ever again! Now we _know _he's straight! I just wish _they_ would figure it out. Monta thinks that they just want to duke it out with him, when, in all actuality they'd much rather….." Musashi let the end of that sentence fade away unfinished. There was no need to finish it anyway. Yuki chuckled and pulled his knees up to his chest, propping his head up on them.

"Boy is he going to be surprised when one of them gets him cornered. I do wish he'd realize that Mamori will never like him though…" He looked away, his expression becoming melancholy.

Musashi looked over at Yuki, amused. " Because _you _like her, right?"

Yuki blushed and glanced away nervously. "Maybe….."

Musashi grinned. "I thought so. I think she feels the same way about you!"

Yuki brightened up for a second, then abruptly shook his head and looked away again. "Yeah right. If she likes anyone, it'd be Hiruma."

Musashi shifted uncomfortably and glanced over at Yuki. "Um Yuki, Hiruma is head over heels for that Kid guy. They're, um…..together."

Yuki's mouth dropped open. "No way!" Musashi nodded. Yuki shook his head, stunned.

"They were going to wait 'till the end of the season, I think, before telling anyone. Not sure why, though. Life is just full of questions and surprises, Yuki."

"Apparently." Yuki paused, then turned to look at Musashi. "You know, this is the longest, strangest conversation I have ever had with another guy. You know we sound like gossiping schoolgirls right now, don't you?"

Musashi smiled slightly, the smile fading and being replaced by a frown as he looked for the bus. "I wonder what time a bus _does _come by here…."

Yuki got up and looked around for a sign. After locating it, he read the times and frowned. "Ne, Musa-san. What time is it?"

Musashi looked surprised at the nickname, but then just shrugged it off and looked at his watch. "It's 1:45. Why?"

Yuki sighed and walked back over. "Apparently this bus line stops running at 1:30. We just can't get a break today, can we?"

Musashi sighed as well. "Apparently not. Want to start walking again?"

Yuki looked undecided for a while then shrugs. "Not really, but I'd really like to get home soon. My mom is gonna freak!"

Musashi shot him a look of mock horror. "Egads! Not that!"

Yuki leveled a mock-glare at Musashi. "Hey, my mom is scary when she's mad. She starts looking like that weird mythological creature with all the snakes on her head."

"The Medusa?"

"Yep, that would be the one." They fall silent for a few minutes, then Yuki speaks up. "Why are almost all of the football players we know gay? The heck is up with that? I thought football players would be all macho, but there are some really macho players that are so obviously gay….. I don't get it!"

"Well, look at the other side of the scale then! You'd never think that Sena, Monta, Riku, you, or Kisaragi would be into sports much, would you?"

Yuki shrugs. "But Sena can run, Monta can catch, Riku has the rodeo drive, and…..and…" Yuki turns to look at Musashi. "What does Kisaragi have again?"

Musashi shrugs. "Besides the definite 'creepy' vibe? This weird thing he does with his abnormally long arms."

"Um, yeah, that. But I don't have anything!"

"You're pretty stubborn…."

"I prefer 'determined' myself, but whatever." There was a pause. "And I'm going bald at 17." He started to pout.

Musashi smirks. "Hey, I look like an old man, so I don't want to hear you complaining! Just the other day some forty something woman asked me out! You know how weird that is?"

"Well look at it this way, when you go to buy liquor they won't ask you for your I.D.!" Yuki shot back, snickering.

"….Shut up….. At least my BALD head doesn't blind people on a sunny day!"

"Oh, go die of lung cancer!" Yuki replied, trying not to laugh.

"Nope, sorry, I quit smoking. Threw all my cigarettes away."

"Too bad, I could probably use one."

Musashi gave Yuki a double-take. "There is no way you would ever smoke! You're mom would probably kill you!"

Yuki nodded in complete agreement. "She would."

Musashi shot Yuki a concerned look. "You're not an abused child are you?"

This made Yuki chuckle. "No, not really."

"Not really?! You mean you're not sure?!" Musashi's expression and tone made Yuki laugh harder.

"My mom _is _a little misguided, but everything she does, she does because she wants me to succeed and be safe. She just gets a little carried away sometimes."

"Like not letting you participate in extra-curricular activities and forcing you to study all the time?"

"Yeah, that."

"Is there another reason for her behavior?"

Yuki shifted in his seat slightly. "Yeah, there is. My mom and dad knew each other all through junior high and high school, she was president of the math and science clubs, and he was the star swimmer on the Boys' Swim Team. She tried to get him to pay more attention to his homework, but he didn't listen to her. He got seriously hurt at a swim meet, which made him not able to compete ever again, he only barely graduated and only _just_ managed to land an office job at the place where my mother's uncle worked. My dad loved my Mom and married her, but he was very unhappy. He loved swimming more than anything in the whole world and had it ripped away from him. Finally, my dad just got tired of it all. The pain of the injury to his spine and the horrible office job he was forced to work at kinda did it in for him, I think. One day when I was four, he got sick and never pulled out of it. The doctors still have no idea what killed him, but it lasted a really long time and caused both my mom and dad a lot of pain; he lingered, and she had to watch him waste away. I guess she's bound and determined to not have me go down the same road."

Musashi let that information sink in and started to form a more charitable view towards Yuki's poor mother. He still thought it was wrong of her to force him to study all the time, though. "Do you like to swim, Yuki?"

Yuki shrugged. "Yeah. I love the water, but my swimming skills aren't that great. I wasn't allowed in the water much; the only reason I even know how to swim is because my dad's sister had me stay over at her house for a summer when I was seven so that my mom could visit some older family members in America. I remember she had this huge pool and tried to get me to go in. When I told her I couldn't swim, she promptly taught me how. My dad's side of the family is really big into sports, especially water sports. All of my cousins play some sort of sport, and all of them can swim like fish. I haven't seen them in a while, though. I got hurt one time when I was little trying to play basketball with my older cousins; I skinned my knee. Typical for a little boy, right?" Musashi nodded. Yuki continued. "Well, as soon as the bleeding stopped, my mother had me in the car and we were headed for home. She thinks they're a bad example. I've talked to my cousins over the phone, but that was the last time I ever saw them in person."

Musashi looked at Yuki sympathetically. "How old were you?"

"Eight."

"Long time, then."

Yuki sighed. "Yeah, it's been a really long time. I'll see them again when I'm old enough to be on my own. At least I get to hang around with my cousin, Serenity." He sighed. "But the only reason _that _is happening is because my mother doesn't know that she's here."

"You know I won't say anything. You only have to wait a few more years then, right?"

"Yeah, not a long time. I'll live."

"Yeah." Musashi fell silent then, but got an evil smile on his face as he thought of something. "Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but, I think I have a good idea of who'd be interested in you!"

Yuki automatically covered his ears. "I don't want to know!"

Musashi snickered and pulled Yuki's hands from his ears, holding them so he couldn't cover his ears back up. "It's Jyuumonji-kun, Harao-san, Unsui-san, Takami-san, and Watt-kun!" He grinned and let go of Yuki's hands.

Yuki gave Musashi and irritated look. "Oh? How do you figure?"

"Well, Jyuumonji _is _rather protective of you…."

Yuki raised an eyebrow. "He is?" He asked, voice flat.

"Well yeah. I heard he pitched a hissy when Hiruma made you run as much as everyone else, that one time when you all had to wear the masks. He's also been hanging around you a lot more often, and I've seen him and Mamori glaring at each other a few times."

Yuki didn't look like he believed this at all. "And the others?" He asked skeptically.

Musashi smiled. "I've seen Harao eye you up and down before…." Yuki shuddered at the very thought. Well, at least it wasn't Agon; poor Sena.

"And why on Earth would he do that?" He asked, sounding even more skeptical than before.

Musashi shrugged. "Do I look like Harao to you? I don't know! I do know that Unsui and Takami admire your determination, though. You don't give up, and you work hard for everything you get, just like them. And Watt thinks you're really cool! You're smart, and you're Japanese. And we all know that he is rather smart too and loves everything Japanese!"

"I'm gonna need more solid proof than that, my friend."

"And if I get the solid proof would you believe me then?"

"How 'bout you don't and say you did." Musashi gave him a look. "Fine! Maybe. But I don't see how it matters. I'm not gay."

"So?"

Yuki gave him a rather irritated, slightly disturbed look. "What do you mean, 'So?' "

"You really wouldn't want to know? At least to stay away from them?"

"I don't care, Musashi. Though I think I know a few who would be interested in you~!" Yuki said, grinning. Ooh it was payback time!

"Oh? Who?"

Yuki stared hard at Musashi, a little disappointed. "Why do you sound like that doesn't bother you at all?" So much for payback.

"Because it doesn't. I'm like you, I don't care." He quickly decided to rephrase that. "Well, as long as they don't act freaky around me….."

Yuki shook his head. "Like Koutaro?"

"Yeah, him. Is he one of them?"

"Of course. Did you even have to ask?"

"Thought I'd might as well make sure. Who are the others?"

"Banba, Ikari, Rui, Akaba, Homer, and my cousin Kimiko."

"How would your cousin know me?" Musashi asked, amused at the apparent randomness of the last one mentioned.

"Remember when I was taking pictures of everyone on my cell phone last week?"

"Vaguely…."

"Well I sent them to her and she said she thought you were 'hot'." Yuki replied, grinning when Musashi started to look interested.

"How old is this cousin of yours?" He asked cautiously.

"Don't worry, she's 17!"

"And she thinks _I'm _hot."

Yuki nodded once. "Yes." There was a pause as Musashi just stared at him. "What?" Yuki's voice took on a slightly whiny tone at the look he received. "She likes older-looking men!" He added, pouting.

Musashi thought about it for a second, then grinned at Yuki. "Do you have a picture of her?"

Yuki beamed and pulled a few photos out of his wallet and handed one of them to Musashi. The picture was of a 17-year old girl with long black hair and almond-shaped blue eyes behind thin, wire-rimmed glasses. She was sitting on some stone steps and was wearing a private school uniform with her book bag at her feet.

"She looks like a nice girl." Musashi said, starting to hand the picture back to him, but Yuki shook his head.

"You keep it. I have others that they've sent me."

"They?" Musashi repeated quizzically.

"Yeah, I have six other female cousins and four male ones. Serenity—my dear, sweet photographer—Chelsea, Hitomu, Ami, Kotoko, and little Chihiro, for the girls and Darius, Sean, Hideki, and Touma for the boys. Serenity, Kimiko, Chelsea, Ami, and Hideki are 16, 17, 16, 16, and 15. Kotoko and Hitomu are about to turn 15, Chihiro will be 7 in two months along with her twin brother Touma, and Darius and Sean are in their twenties. 21 and 24, actually." Yuki said, all in one breath.

"Why do some of them have western names?" Musashi asked.

"Because their fathers are American. Serenity and Darius are siblings and so are Sean and Chelsea. Kimiko and Hitomu are sisters, and Ami and Kotoko are sisters, and Hideki, Chihiro, and Touma are all siblings. My father had five other siblings, three girls and two boys." Yuki stated.

"Big family…"

"Not really. I know bigger families."

"I don't."

"Really?"

"Positive."

"Huh…." Yuki seemed to think about that for a second, then shrugged. He looked back over at Musashi. "maybe we should start walking again, Musa-san, it's getting cold." Musashi nodded and stood up, Yuki just a second behind him.

"Where to?" Musashi asked.

Yuki just shrugged. "Wherever. It's only a matter of time before Hiruma-san manages to locate us."

"He does seem to be pretty good at that…..kinda creepy if you ask me….." Musashi muttered. Yuki grinned at him.

"And here I thought that you would be used to him by now~!" Yuki responded in a playful tone.

Musashi snorted. "There is no getting used to that one, ever. Just when you think you've got him figured out, he changes on you. Annoying, really."

Yuki just chuckled as he walked alongside Musashi. Suddenly a distressing thought hit him. He turned to his comrade worriedly. "You don't think Hiruma-san will use that horrible dog to locate us, do you?"

Musashi laughed at the look on his friend's face. "Probably." He shook his head at the dejected look Yuki gave him. "Oh don't worry about it, I'll take care of the dog."

Yuki frowned. "How? Cerberus is quite literally the hound from Hell. Not even Hiruma can control that evil beast all the time!" Musashi just grinned conspiratorially at Yuki as he pulled a small silver object out of his pocket. Yuki just shook his head in amazed amusement. "Really? A dog whistle?" He gave Musashi a knowing look. "So _you_ were the reason that stupid dog went berserk on Hiruma-san a week ago. I wondered what was up with that." Musashi chuckled and put the whistle away.

"Hiruma was furious." Musashi replied, smiling at the happy memory.

"I never would've taken you for a practical joke kind of guy." Yuki said.

"I can do it when I have a mind to." Both were startled when they heard the sound of gunshots echoing from a distance. Yuki, out of habit, ducked as if afraid he'd get hit, while Musashi just grinned at his friend's jumpiness and tried to decide where the noise was actually coming from. "Well, that sounds like our ride, but where is he?"

"And what is it with him and that stupid AK-47!" Yuki added, regaining some of his composure.

Musashi smiled at him. "I think it's Hiruma's form of a security blanket." Yuki snickered.

"Yeah, cuz Hiruma's reputation would totally be trashed if he actually carried around a Binkie." He said, grinning. Suddenly a mischievous look blossomed across his face. "Ooh, Musa! That gives me an idea~!" Again Musashi looked surprised at his new nickname, but shrugged it off. He cocked his head at the other boy, indicating that he was listening. The gunshots went off closer this time and Yuki, after looking around seemingly to make sure that Hiruma wasn't going to pop out from behind a light pole or something, leaned closer to Musashi and whispered the plan into his ear. As he finished and pulled away, grinning, Musashi just stared at him and slowly shook his head.

"Yeah right, that'll never happen, Yuki."

Yuki's eyes sparkled with mirth. "Wanna bet~?" He asked mischievously.

Musashi stared at his friend for a few seconds, then sighed. "You learned absolutely nothing from tonight, did you?"

Yuki shrugged. "I won the last bet…."

Musashi pulled his wallet out and opened it, showing it to Yuki as he replied flatly. "Yeah, I know."

Yuki grinned over at his friend. "You know, we could always set up some kind of credit system for you when we start betting each other….~!"

Musashi grunted. " Oh, yeah, then I can be indebted to you; no thanks, I'm not stupid, I _do_ know how credit cards work, Yuki. And knowing you, you'd probably charge me interest." Yuki cocked his head as if thinking about that, then nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I totally would."

"Nice to know where we stand on that one, oh friend of mine."

Yuki made a big show of straining to look at Musashi's wallet, then. "Say, do you have a credit card in there, cuz you'd might as well hand that over now…."

Musashi quickly slipped his wallet back into his pocket and leveled a glare at the other boy. "Back off brat or the hound from Hell will be using your skinny little self as a chew toy." Yuki pouted but backed off, folding his arms over his chest and pretending to be mad.

* * *

Just then they heard a screech of tires from behind them and a familiar yell and cackle. They turned around to see a taxicab burning rubber as it came around a curve and barreled towards them at a speed that was definitely illegal, with Hiruma hanging out the window and firing his ever-present AK-47 into the air. Both boys jumped away from the curb seconds before the taxi hit it and jumped over, jerking to such an abrupt stop that Hiruma was almost catapulted out the back window. Looking at the expression of terror, consternation, and bewilderment on the cab driver's face, Yuki wondered if that was what the poor old man behind the wheel had been trying to do. Yuki wouldn't blame him if it was. Hiruma was scary.

"Kekekekeke! Damn teammates, it took me forever to locate you fuckers even with the tracking devices I placed on you!" The demon-boy exclaimed, showing them his tracker. Musashi shrugged as if he'd expected Hiruma to do something like that while Yuki started frantically searching his clothes for the device.

Musashi grinned at Yuki's antics as he slipped into the back seat of the cab next to Hiruma. "At least it wasn't the dog. Yuki, get in here!" The other boy left off the search and climbed in to sit gingerly on the other side of Hiruma, shooting the blond quarterback a wary look.

Hiruma slowly turned his head to look at him. "What, baldy? Got a problem?"

Yuki looked away quickly but replied. " You put a tracking device on us."

Hiruma continued staring at the other boy. "And?"

Yuki frowned and looked back in Hiruma's direction, never quite looking the blond quarterback in the eyes. "You don't think that there's anything wrong with that? Why would you put a tracking device on us? Surely that's against a law or something…." Yuki trailed off as he thought about who exactly it was that he was saying all of this to. Hiruma had probably done worse stuff in his sleep. To his credit, Hiruma didn't bother responding to that; it was pretty clear what Hiruma would think about breaking the law. It didn't even register as something to be concerned about. He did, however, respond to the tracking device question.

"How the fuck else am I supposed to keep track of my players? Can't have my property running off and getting lost, now can I?" He cackled at the boy's expression at being called property. "Would you rather have the damned dog come and get you? Cuz I think he likes you!" Hiruma cackled even louder at the response he got out of that question. "Didn't think so. Count yer blessings, damn baldy." Yuki decided to just let it slide; there was no winning against Hiruma Youichi. Hiruma's attention then turned to the unfortunate cabbie. "And why the hell are we still on this fucking curb, damned cabbie? Get a fucking move on! I ain't payin' you to park!"

"You ain't payin' me at all, you just pointed that friggin' huge gun at me, pulled my other fare out on his ass and told me to step on it." the cabbie replied sullenly. Yuki and Musashi glanced at each other. Brave cabbie.

Hiruma casually leveled the rifle at the cabbie. "And you're gonna argue with me? You must have a fucking death wish…." The cabbie gave the rifle and its owner a long, hard look and decided to just suck it up and do as he was told. Again, Yuki and Musashi glanced at each other. Smart cabbie.

As they pulled away from the curb, a thought came to Yuki. "Ne, Hiruma-san, why don't you want people to know that you're with Kid-san?"

Hiruma actually paused for a few seconds before replying to that, as if he were thinking of the best way to answer. Yuki wasn't sure, but it almost looked as if he were nervous. Yuki dismissed that almost immediately. Hiruma didn't get nervous, especially not about a question like that. "Why does it matter? It's none of your business, damn baldy. So stay out of it if you know what's good for you." Hiruma finally replied, shooting Musashi a deadly look. Musashi didn't bother responding to it. Any nervousness was not evident in Hiruma's voice. Yuki must've imagined it. Yuki sighed and turned his head to stare out the window.

About 10 minutes later Yuki started recognizing the streets around him; they were getting close to his house. He looked over at Hiruma, surprised, but knowing that he really shouldn't be. Of course Hiruma knew where he lived. Hiruma probably knew the addresses of every place any of his football players had ever lived at from the time they were born to the present day. When they pulled up in front of his house, Yuki got out of the cab and started to open his front gate.

"Oi, damn baldy!" He heard Hiruma shout to him. Yukimitsu turned to look at him and was surprised to have something hit him in the face. He caught the object and looked down to find an envelope in his hand. He looked at Hiruma quizzically. "It's for that damn mother of yours." Hiruma gave the other boy a wicked grin. "It's your get-out-of-jail-free card for getting in so late. You can _thank_ me later for it." Yuki stiffened at the maniacal grin on the quarterback's face and the rather strange emphasis on the word 'thank', but just nodded and said a weak 'thank you'. As he turned around and went to his front door, he didn't see the disturbed look that Musashi sent Hiruma.

"And what was that about?" The kicker asked as Yuki opened the door to his house and went in.

"None of your damn business, fucking old man. Just like anything between me and Kid is none of your damn business." Hiruma blew a bubble and popped it before adding. "Not that anything is happening between us. It was just one of those one-time deals." He then shot Musashi a wide grin. "But thanks to you, now the damn baldy won't expect anything!"

Musashi stared at his long-time friend in disbelief. "Wait a second. Won't expect…..are you saying what I think you're saying?" He looked back towards Yuki's front door, as if making sure the boy wasn't in ear shot. "_You're_ after Yuki too?!"

Hiruma frowned. "Too? Others are….." He paused and Musashi could almost see the gears turning in his head. The usual maniacal grin broke out on the gun-wielding teen's face. "Ah, I see….it looks like I'll be getting some target practice in!"

Musashi shook his head. "You know that Yuki is straight and that he and Mamori like each other, right?"

Hiruma cackled. "He may be straight now, but I'll_ bend_ him eventually…" Both boys were thrown against the doors of the cab as the cabbie swerved suddenly. They both looked to the driver and found him openly staring at Hiruma in mortified shock through the mirror. Hiruma leveled his gun at the cabbie again. "Drive straight, damn eavesdropper, or I'm pumping you full of lead." The cabbie obeyed. Smart, smart cabbie.

Musashi rubbed his face tiredly and wondered if he should text Yuki to warn him. Probably wouldn't do him any good. A thought occurred to him then; he should tell Mamori. She'd stop Hiruma. She was the only one who could seem to make a dent in the demonic quarterback. Musashi looked over at Hiruma to find the boy staring back at him.

"Don't fucking think about it, fucking old man. For once, mind your own business." Hiruma growled, finger on the trigger.

Musashi sighed again and nodded. "Fine. Just stop if he says stop."

Hiruma scoffed. "If he says stop, then of course I will. Do I look like the fucking dreads to you?"

"Give him a chance to say stop too! No gags!" Musashi ordered sternly.

"What are you, his dad? Fine, whatever." Hiruma responded, turning away and signaling that the conversation was over. Musashi sighed again. There was no chance of this ending well. At all. Ever.

OWARI

* * *

**AN: LOL, didn't see that last one coming, did you? For those who did, congrats. I tried to see if I could include as many pairings as possible...I just thought that it'd be funny to have two of the Eyeshield characters talking like this with each other. I may do other chaps with Yuki having 'Guy Talk' moments with different characters. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them~!**


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